Terry Dresbach

Outlander Costume Designer


Terry Dresbach

[quote quote=3398]I realize that we’ve wandered a bit from the subject of rape, but I wanted to say one more thing. Feminists tend to say (someone did above, I’m sorry I don’t remember who) that rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power and control, and I do agree that that is often a strong component. But I have seen on internet discussion boards (on men’s issues or others), and also actually had men say to me some version of the idea that for a woman not to be open to sex with a man who wants it from her (He did buy her dinner!) is like someone refusing to pass the sugar bowl if he’s wanting some for his cereal. There really is, in some men, a disconnect between the idea that it’s another human being’s body they’re wanting the use of, and it isn’t to be bought (except for our sisters who may or may not have the choice to sell). So sometimes a rape is really about a boy or a man taking the sex that he thinks he has a right to, and/or that it’s OK because it’s really not such a big deal for the female involved.[/quote]

Oh that has always been one of the justifications, and once again it is the woman’s fault! She wore the clothes that made me do it, I bought her dinner!
It is still about possession, control and domination. Otherwise ALL men would rape women if they were wearing a short skirt or didn’t put out after a meal.
I do not believe a woman is responsible, but knowing that some men think this way, it is one of the reasons I never really dated. I think I have been on two dates in my life, and one of them ended up with the man demanding his due. I don’t like the idea that the man always buys the meal or pays for the evening. I think it helps to create an imbalance and set up. I never liked the concept of “dating”. Guy picks you up, opens the car door, feeds you and then returns you and gets his reward. Might be a kiss that is a promise of more at a further point,but the whole thing is icky for me.